At Brick’s house, bags in the car ready to roll. My phone rings and an automated message informs us that our flight is cancelled and postponed to Tuesday morning 7am.
Abe: I don’t believe this is happening. (he’s in shock).
Heshy: I could’ve made Layening. (ambivalent).
Well at least we can get haircuts before we leave (optimistic).
Bricks locked himself in the bathroom while talking to the Delta people (in India), we thought he just needed to be away from all of our banter but it turns out he was just multitasking…brilliant! Delta booked us on a new flight from LaGuardia with a three hour layover and an insanely convoluted connection in D.C. They actually booked us on two consecutive flights in case we missed the first one. I knew this day would be a long one, but when the old nun at check-in was preaching the word of “the lord Jesus Christ our savior” I was reassured that we would make it to the land of the Mormons before nightfall.
To be sitting in our seats waiting for the plane to taxi was a relief which gradually turned to anxiety and frustration after three and a half hours. When the time came that we realized that our connection was not going to reach fruition we were consoled by our in-flight comic relief. He was a large jolly and enthusiastic black man named Yusef R. Dent and he said that he deals in commodities but I think he just flies around America all day. He “knows a guy” in every domestic airport! Hey, we’re Jewish you don’t have to pull that I know a guy shtick on us. He was really pushing his “fly through Atlanta, it’s the best city in the world” agenda. When the pilot gave us updates every half hour and told us that he appreciated out patience, Yusef had words.
There was also this serious modern day Kung-Fu master two rows ahead of us. He had a straw hat and an entourage of kimono-clad karate girls and warrior ninja disciples one of which wasn’t even Asian. He played the role of Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai. We dubbed him Fake Chinese Guy. Before the flight filled up they were strategically seated in formation around The master. As more people arrived they adapted formation to the new military threats. They must have gone through more permutations that Chasidim in a Sheirut from Benei Brak to Yerushalayim. He wore a surgical mask once we took off, it was scary.
Landing Sucked
There was a cute stewardess on the plane. Heshy and I thought so at least. Bricks later confirmed that when you look closely she didn’t have great skin….thanks a lot bricks.
The guy that booked our new connection to Salt lake was a real piece of work. I feel bad for the Pakistani crew behind us for having to deal with his wrath. I wonder if they ever made their flight?
The flight to Salt Lake was pretty uneventful Abe won the in-flight trivia game twice, I won once. This girl Kathy robbed me in the last round one time. There was one guy named Pilot who was also in the game. I just hope it wasn’t the actual pilot. Nobody’s headsets worked except for Heshy. We ate peanut butter and drank tomato Juice. Next top…. Salt Lake.
We cancelled our hotel in West Yellowstone and booked the Hilton in Salt Lake. Picked up our Kia and got to our room, we shaved and left our moustaches. I met some gorgeous rock climbing chicks at the pool. When I got back to the room I realized I had a stash, I felt pretty dumb but hey, they talked to me and I didn’t get any weird looks so they must not have been too wierded out by my intriguing facial hair. Abe is right; I look like the Bassist in a gay rock band. That’s cool…right?
Next up: Abe’s musings & pictures to come
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